Three Ways to Overcome Rejection

She never sat me down and told me how to survive it. We never even talked about it. There was no formal lesson. No teaching. No preaching. She just lived her life, and from it I learned one of my greatest lessons... 

At around the age of two, her mother died leaving her father with two young children. Her dad decided to keep her brother. He didn't want her. Girls on a ranch or farm are of no use. At least, that was the thought back then. She would be raised by family...but not by her father.

{Grandma Jessie}

How did she survive the rejection of a parent who didn't want her? How did she overcome those icky feelings of not being wanted? What do you do when the ones that are supposed to love you walk out the door or simply don't know how to love? My grandma Jessie would tell you...

There are always gap fillers. There were people in my grandma's life that filled in the gaps. Relatives that stepped in and raised her. People that loved on her. What she lacked in a father and a mother was filled with others. I, myself, have had gap fillers. While I have experienced loss of relationship and rejection by others, there have been still others who come along side and fill my love tank. Rejection is rarely "TOTAL". While one may not love you there are others that will.

Know that you are loved. I never sensed in my grandma that she believed that she was unloved. Sure, there is the strong possibility that I was too young to see it. Not wise enough. But I didn't see the struggle. I am sure it was there, but I only saw a vibrant woman full of joy. Sure, there were hard times, but for the most part my grandma lived as if she were loved. Because she was. Her self-esteem was intact. One of the greatest ways to overcome the pain of rejection is to know you are loved. For me, it was going to God and understanding that no matter what others did to me it wasn't a reflection of what He thought of me. He loves me like crazy. 

Love conquers all, even rejection. How do I know that my grandma felt loved even though she never really talked about it? You could see it in the way she treated others. Was she perfect? No. Who is? But the one big takeaway from watching her life was how she loved on others. She didn't care what your background was or how you got to her doorstep. She was gracious and open to all. All those growing up years watching her love on others knowing full well there had been times in her life she wasn't loved had a profound effect on me. She taught me that love is stronger than the hurt dealt you. Overcoming rejection means you have the strength to give what wasn't given to you. You dole out love. It gushes because you know the pain of the opposite scenario.

Resources for When Mother's Day Hurts

Mother's Day. It is supposed to be a beautiful spring day filled with joy as you show love and appreciation to your mom...as you celebrate being a mom. For many it is not that day. It is a day delivering heartache instead of flowers. Wounds open instead of gifts. If Mother's Day is hard here are some resources around the web to help. I have cried through some of these posts and healed in a small way. If you struggle, you are not alone.

Here is my post from a few years back on when Mother's Day is one of mourning. There are a plethora of reasons for mourning: Miscarriage, stillbirth, abuse from a toxic mom, death, a wayward child. The list is as long as each heartbreaking situation.

Marcy over at Ben and Me writes about losing her mom. What a beautiful tribute to write her mom a letter!

A story of Anne Marie's infertility. We can never plan out life as God knows what is best for us.

Maybe you need to heal from a toxic mom? Bonnie gives seven ideas on what to do.

To all hurting mothers...we never know each other's stories unless we ask and care.

Maybe you feel that you have blown it as a mom? Candace over at His Mercy is New offers hope.

Mother's Day may be tough because of relational angst you may be dealing with between yourself and your mom or your kids. There are ways to heal. Here is a long resource list to help.

An honest look at Mother's Day and why we shouldn't give up on it.

A great post with more ideas on how to handle the day.

My prayer for all who are hurting as Mother's Day approaches is that you find peace and healing on a day you expected heartache.

Summoned

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After more than a year in a new place I still feel disconnected. When you leave a church after a quarter of a century you feel lost. You don't even know who you are. You have no connections. No purpose or place in your new surroundings. You are an island separated from the mainland. You can begin to even question your value. 

We walk into that new church on Sunday to have one of its pastors start talking to us. He knows my husband. He knows what my husband does. We are not even sure how or why. And for a brief moment I feel connected. For the first time in a long while I feel I have some kind of value. I am known even if it is a little bit and through association...

We come home, and I have a few quiet moments. They are moments of healing that I have been pursuing. Healing from the events that lead us to new places. Healing from hard words. Healing from condemnation that stripped me of my worth. I pick up the book I have been working on, The Healing Journey, to read another verse. To meditate on it...

But now, this is what the Lord says--He who created you, O Jacob, He who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are Mine." Isaiah 43:1

It is then that it hits me how wrong my thinking has been. I am known. Have always been. I am valued. I am wanted. All because the God of the universe knows my name. He even calls it out. I am connected to the One who connects all things. I am loved by the One whose love knows no bounds. I am known by the One who knows all. My value is not wrapped up in the things or people of this world. I am wrapped up in Him.

Where does your value come from? It isn't a part of your job, title, connections, or physical appearance. You have only one source of worth...You have worth because God sees you as such. What others may dismiss, He embraces. What others may criticize, He commends. And when others have no idea who you are, God comes calling...

To summon you by name.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Are you struggling to heal? To trust your Heavenly Father again after heartache? May I suggest two books by Thom Gardner, Healing the Wounded Heart: Removing Obstacles to Intimacy with God and The Healing Journey. They have been instrumental in my healing process. They may be able to help you also.

And though I may not know your name I am praying for you. May you know how much you are worth and how much you are loved.

Resources for Advent {From Toddlers to Adults}

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Here is a list of great resources for Advent...

One way we celebrate is by reading one of Arnold Ytreeide's books.  He has three of them for Advent.  They are great for grade school kids!  My boys are in their teens and have outgrown them, but we have fond memories of these books!  You need pick only one to read a year. The idea is to read a section of the story each night during Advent.  The books are labeled so that you know what you need to read each day.  These are  awesome adventure stories that lead up to the birth of Christ!  Each section has a short devotional thought at the end.

Jotham's Journey: A Storybook for Advent

Bartholomew's Passage: A Family Story for Advent

Tabitha's Travels: A Family Story for Advent


Once you read all of them you realize that each story is entwined with the other.  For example, you find Jotham in Bartholomew and Tabitha's stories and vice versa.  I can't recommend these enough!!

This year the boys will be reading with me The Greatest Gift: Unwrapping the Full Love Story of Christmas by Ann Voskamp. I have the ornaments ready to put on the tree as we read through the book each day.  Can't wait!  Her book follows the Jesse Tree idea.  Here is some more information on the Jesse Tree concept.

There are some great ideas on the web for advent calendars which are just fun ways to count down to Christmas...take a look...

 Tree Advent Calendar

Another idea with a muffin tin (one that makes 24 mini muffins).

Advent on Pinterest-tons of calendar ideas!

Advent with the younger set

Little People Christmas Story  would be cute to set up over the Advent season with a toddler...maybe adding a piece each day and talking about the Christmas story?

So what do you do for Advent?



 

The Storm

Storms rage.  I should know.  We went through one this past week.  Snow, sleet, wind, rain, ice.  Huge spruce trees down on power lines.  No power.  Almost twenty-four hours of no power.  Storms can do that.  Strip you of your power.  Leave you with no light.  Life at a standstill so that all can be fixed and put back together again.

Storms rage.  I should know.  This past year has been a storm.  The whole year. Ugly words, condemnation, broken hearts. No power.  Almost eleven months of no power.  Storms can do that to a life.  My life.  Stripped on its power. Left with little light to go on.  Life hanging in the balance.  Limbo. Time.  So that all can heal and be put back together again.

How do you deal when there is no power?  You light a candle and wait.  You sit by the light until all is fixed. You play Solitaire or sit around with your kids and talk.  But always by the light.  You pass the time in the Light.  God is teaching me that when a storm rages you head towards the light.  Sometimes when the ugly words show up on your doorstep, you need not answer.  You need new words.  Safe ones to enter your heart.

"The unfolding of your words gives light..."  Psalm 119:130a

Sometimes a heart darkened, with no power, needs to sit by the Light for awhile.  Until all is put back together again.

Making a Memory {A Mystery Meal}

{Mystery Meal of 2011}

A few years back we did a mystery unit in school.  We ended the unit and the school year with a mystery meal.  I thought that it would be fun to once again finish off our school year with another mystery meal.

Here is the link to the mystery meal menu I used this time around.  I basically had them choose four items for each course without really knowing what they are picking because all the names of the items are in code.  Below you will find what each name on the menu actually represents:

Polar Bear Patties-Klondike bars

Chips-Fries

Pitch-Fork

Blood-Ketchup

Hearts-Strawberries

Pigs in a maize-Mini corn dogs

Gluten globs-Croutons

Sharpie-Knife

Shovel-Spoon

Roman Roughage-Caesar salad

Tasty Dihydrogen Monoxide-Flavored water

Crumb catcher-Napkin 

Here are some pictures of the event:

{Zach picking his items for each course}

{

{Noah doing the same}

{One of the courses}

Such a fun activity to make lunch a bit different!

Remembering Grandma...

{Grandma in 1921}

She would have been 92 today. She has been gone for eleven years.  I miss her still. Her smile.  Her joy.  Her grace towards others. I still miss my Grandma Jessie...

{Grandma at age ten}

I miss her life lessons.  The ones in which she showed us how to overcome adversity.  How to live with lack...in her case the lack of parents. (Her mother dead at an early age.  Her father rejecting her. She being raised by other family members.)  How to come out of it the other side a victor instead of a victim.  How to survive and to accomplish it with finesse.

{Grandma with her brother, the day after her mother's funeral}

I miss her craziness...like the time I caught her sitting on the washing machine trying to hold it down and keep it from "walking" across the floor.  Her mere tiny frame wasn't sufficient to control that mechanical beast.

{Grandma at Wall Drug in 1941}

 I count myself blessed to have had such a role model in my life.  A woman of strength.  A woman of grace. It is my hope to follow in her footsteps.

Start of School Cupcakes

We have a tradition around here of decorating cupcakes to celebrate the start of school. This past weekend the boys (along with a friend) made "Angry Birds".  Here are the results:

 

How He richly blesses...

The last day of counting the gifts from God we encountered on our trip...


{2,691-2,701}


-Four presidents: George, Thomas, Teddy and Abe

Seeing the following in Bear Country USA

-Arctic wolves

-Bears

-Otters  (so much fun watching them play!!)

-Arctic fox

-Red fox

-Great veggie omelet in a restaurant in Custer, SD

-Dad's French toast

-Dad's photos to line the walls in our house
-Another wonderful visit with my aunt and uncle
-Warm weather

Thankful for our trip

I am counting a full week of blessings as I recall our awesome trip down to the Lower 48...

{2,679-2,690}

-A birthday cake for Tim

-New jeans
-New jacket
-Seeing my uncle
-Downtown walk in "The City of Presidents" (Rapid City, SD---there is a statue of every president except Obama)

 {Madison-the shortest president}

 {For the life of me, I can't remember who this is!}

 {George...need I say more...}

 {Ronald Reagan}

-Wind
-Reading The Children's Blizzard (P.S.)
-Getting up a 4:30 am to view wildlife

Seeing the following:

-Elk

-Buffalo

-Pronghorn

-Deer