Mourning on Mother's Day

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Not all holidays are a plethora of joy. Some bestow dread. Some sadden. Some bring grief. Mother's Day can be a tough day for many. Why?

Maybe you have lost a child...either through miscarriage, still birth, or the untimely death of a living child (young or old).

For some, losing a child comes in other ways...there are the prodigals...the ones that refuse to be loved. The ones that have rejected their upbringing. The ones that have made choices for their lives that scare us.

Others dread the day, because their moms are no longer here.  Maybe they passed away years ago or maybe recently. The pain is still heavy. The loss, unbearable.

Some still have a mother and yet have grieved the loss of her.  She was too abusive to carry on a relationship with or she has rejected her own children.  The irony that before this mother dies the grieving has started. There are no graves to visit. No flowers to place. Just broken hearts that need mending.

Some find Mother's Day hard because they never became mothers. Their deepest desire never realized.

What are we to do with the hurt that the holiday heaps upon us? For me, I have two of the above situtations in my life that makes Mother's Day hard. As it approaches each year in May, I practice GRATITUDE and GRACE to get me through the day.

I am becoming convinced that we thank God for the pain whatever it may be.  We find the treasure among the heap of rubbish that lies around us.  It may mean that we...

  • Praise God for the children we do have even if we didn't get all the time that we would have wanted with them.
  • Thank Him for our prodigals and that God holds them regardless of where they are in life.
  • Look for the positive things that came out of our tough relationships with mom.
  • Praise Him for the time we did have with mom.
  • Be thankful for the lives we have touched even though they aren't our sons and daughters.

Our gratitude won't change our circumstances, but it will change our view of our circumstances.  It will give us the grace to move forward.

Above all, give yourself grace. Life isn't perfect. It is fine to be sad and mourn. If you can't do Mother's Day events that is ok, too. Do what you can. Celebrate in a way that makes sense to you all the while realizing that God meets us where we are at in life. He knows the pain of loss and understands that healing is a process. {Jesus really understands. He had to leave His mother in the care of a friend. I am sure He felt the sting of loss as He entrusted her to John's care. I am sure He felt deeply the pain He saw in her eyes.} Here are some ideas on how to add grace to this hard holiday:

  • Light a candle or in some way take time to remember the children you have lost.
  • Forgive your mom if she has hurt you or been abusive in any way. Write her a letter {you can decide if you want to send it or not} giving her the grace that she never gave you.
  • Let God cover the mess of emotions you may be feeling. Give them to Him. Journal about it.
  • Trust that God has a plan even though it doesn't match your dreams and desires.

It is my prayer that this Mother's Day you will find some peace in the midst of heartache.


Anonymous said...

Well said. Thank you for posting this. Gratitude for all that has happened in our lives and building a new 'window' to view it from. I see such strength in looking at 'the shattered vase put back together with golden seams...very diffrent from the original and beautiful. See link.

Claudia De Mauro said...

SO beautiful, Debbie! I am absolutely sharing this on my FB Page πŸ™πŸΌ✨πŸŒΈπŸƒ