Resources and Ideas to Help Your Prayer Life

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In the past few years I have tried to become more intentional in how I pray for others. For example, I have set up a system for praying for certain people throughout the month.You can read more about it here. Basically, I have created a calendar for myself in which each day of the month I pray for one or two people. For more example, on the first of the month I pray for my husband. This isn't to say I don't pray for him or others on other days, it just a means for helping stay the course and pray for all those who are a part of my life.

I started praying for others in earnest a few years back because I was going through a season of healing in which I needed to forgive some significant people in my life. It was a real struggle as their actions totally changed the course of my journey. I didn't know how to get past the pain and what they had done to me. I was stuck. Then I was reminded of the verse in which Christ asks us to pray for our "enemies" (Matthew 5:44). It was like God was calling me to be intentional and pray for those that inflicted the hurt. It was one of the hardest things I ever set out to do. At first, I could hardly even get the words out. These days, however, I pray for my "enemies" freely and without hesitation...prayers of blessings for them. It took a long time to get to that point, but I do believe that prayer was the answer to me eventually forgiving them.

If you would like to learn more about this concept of praying for those that you need to forgive, check out my post over at His Mercy is New about how to bless your enemies through prayer.

Another place I have really focused on in my prayer life is praying for my sons. Here are several resources for praying for your kids. I am going to include one for students also as I am a teacher and do spend time praying for my students.

Praying for Your Teen and Adult Children
The ABC's of Praying for Students
Praying for Your Kids Head to Toe

Another great idea is to create a "War Binder". What in the world is it and what does it have to do with prayer? A war binder is a notebook or journal in which you can put a prayer journal, prayer requests, sermon notes, gratitude lists, Scripture writing and so much more! The concept is based on the movie War Room. Basically, the binder allows you to keep everything in one place. If you are interesting in learning more here are some links:

A Flip-Through of a War Binder
A Prayer Journal 
How to Make a Prayer Journal
Facebook War Binder Group {A wonderful group of ladies!}

And finally here are some great books on prayer:

Fervent: A Woman's Battle Plan to Serious, Specific and Strategic Prayer
Too Busy Not to Pray
Upside-Down Prayer for Parents
Wait Only Upon God: 40 Days of Praying the Scriptures in the Waiting
Praying God's Word

Forgiveness Resources

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It's been my biggest battle...to forgive those that came up against me. I have fought and wrestle the beast of bitterness to the ground more times than I can count. It is so worth the fight! Forgiveness unchains us from the hurt that locks us down. It is a form of freedom to the victim who has been caught in a web of pain. If you are struggling to forgive, oh how I know your pain! Keep fighting and working through it. It is a journey and takes time. In the meantime, here are some great articles about forgiveness. It is my prayer that they will help you on your journey...

Forgiveness is an ongoing process. Many times you have to make the decision to forgive all over again as the hurt comes to mind. Sometimes grace requires seventy times seven.

Forgiveness is hard for anyone either to give or accept for ourselves. We actually need to learn how to go about the process. Here are two great posts to help kids learn to forgive...

Prayer and forgiveness

Helping kids to pray so they can forgive another.

This article is from a dear friend who writes for Crosswalk...Three ways to bless those who hurt you. In it, she explains that in order to forgive we have to be intentional and work towards getting rid of the bitterness.

One of the best ways to work through forgiveness is to start praying for those that have hurt you. It can be extremely difficult, but in the end it is the path to freedom from the deep hurt. God know that praying for others help us to create "heartstrings" with them. He also knows that heartstrings make the heart sting less. Here are verses you can use to pray over those that have hurt you.

One of the biggest barriers to people forgiving is the idea that in order to forgive you have to reconcile and go back to the way the relationship was, but forgiveness and reconciliation are NOT the same. Here is a post that talks about the differences.

Here are a few stories on forgiveness:

Forgiveness in a marriage {Great book recommendation at the end.}
Forgiveness in action in an Amish community




Just Let Go-This is on my list of movies to see. The true story of a man who lost his family because of a drunk driver. Here is the book...Let It Go: A True Story of Tragedy and Forgiveness.

Hold On and Let Go

Today is one of those days...I bawl my eyes out for the person I used to be. For the relationships I used to have. For that which I can never get back. I feel so broken. I question if I will ever be whole again. Will I always mistrust those around me? Will I ever fit in again? Will I always be the "odd woman out"? I can't imagine a life filled with community again.

Today is one of those days...I am tired of grieving it. I am weary of fighting the hurt. I am angry that anniversaries of the "event" bring me back to an ugly place. I don't want to live here. I don't want this fight. I want to give up.

Quietly, He whispers, "Hold On."

I can't see the big picture, because I am not the Artist. I have no idea where the beauty is supposed to go in the heap of brokenness that fills my life. Yet, He knows. He is the Architect of my broken shards. He knows how to put me back together when I can't see how any of the pieces fit. I just need to wait on Him to work. I need to hold on to the idea that He knows what He is doing when nothing makes sense. 

Quietly, He whispers, "Let Go."

I have held the pieces too long. The shards only create more pain in a broken heart. He asks me to let them go. Give them to Him so He can make them into something beautiful. Letting go is hard when it's your story. I want to be the author of my own drama, but I realize I don't really hold the pen and I don't write great endings. I realize I must let go of it all to let Him use it for His purposes.

Quietly, I whisper, "I will."

{If you have gone through trauma or drama and there is no solution in sight, then maybe it is time to hold on to the God who can make you whole and let go of the pain that is ripping you up inside. Here is a series on healing that may help. It is my prayer that He meets you where you are at and makes you whole again.}

Three Ways to Overcome Rejection

She never sat me down and told me how to survive it. We never even talked about it. There was no formal lesson. No teaching. No preaching. She just lived her life, and from it I learned one of my greatest lessons... 

At around the age of two, her mother died leaving her father with two young children. Her dad decided to keep her brother. He didn't want her. Girls on a ranch or farm are of no use. At least, that was the thought back then. She would be raised by family...but not by her father.

{Grandma Jessie}

How did she survive the rejection of a parent who didn't want her? How did she overcome those icky feelings of not being wanted? What do you do when the ones that are supposed to love you walk out the door or simply don't know how to love? My grandma Jessie would tell you...

There are always gap fillers. There were people in my grandma's life that filled in the gaps. Relatives that stepped in and raised her. People that loved on her. What she lacked in a father and a mother was filled with others. I, myself, have had gap fillers. While I have experienced loss of relationship and rejection by others, there have been still others who come along side and fill my love tank. Rejection is rarely "TOTAL". While one may not love you there are others that will.

Know that you are loved. I never sensed in my grandma that she believed that she was unloved. Sure, there is the strong possibility that I was too young to see it. Not wise enough. But I didn't see the struggle. I am sure it was there, but I only saw a vibrant woman full of joy. Sure, there were hard times, but for the most part my grandma lived as if she were loved. Because she was. Her self-esteem was intact. One of the greatest ways to overcome the pain of rejection is to know you are loved. For me, it was going to God and understanding that no matter what others did to me it wasn't a reflection of what He thought of me. He loves me like crazy. 

Love conquers all, even rejection. How do I know that my grandma felt loved even though she never really talked about it? You could see it in the way she treated others. Was she perfect? No. Who is? But the one big takeaway from watching her life was how she loved on others. She didn't care what your background was or how you got to her doorstep. She was gracious and open to all. All those growing up years watching her love on others knowing full well there had been times in her life she wasn't loved had a profound effect on me. She taught me that love is stronger than the hurt dealt you. Overcoming rejection means you have the strength to give what wasn't given to you. You dole out love. It gushes because you know the pain of the opposite scenario.

Joseph by Terri Fivash

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My favorite Bible story...the one that I come back to again and again. Joseph. Not the one wed to Mary, but rather the one sold by his siblings into slavery. I get Joseph. His life, as strange as it was, makes sense to me. Why? Because he and I share something in common. We are/were both outcasts who had to take an unexpected journey on the road to forgiveness.

Joseph's story is one of betrayal, heartache, jealousy, and eventually reconciliation. In thirteen chapters (the longest of the patriarchal stories), God lays out an example of how we should interact with those how have hurt us deeply. It covers what to do when you are taken someplace you don't want to go, how to set up boundaries with those that are unsafe, and most importantly, how to forgive.




Recently, I picked up a historical fiction novel about Joseph's life by Terri Fivash. Oh my! Her retelling of the story opened my eyes to the ordeal Joseph went through and gave me food for thought. Now granted, this is historical fiction and we don't know all the details, but Terri gives a glimpse  into the process Joseph may have gone through to get to the point of forgiving his brothers. She also brings up points in the life of Joseph that I would never have thought of...like how his life may have been in danger because he was a foreigner ruling in Egypt!

If you are looking for a great way to dive deep into the story or Joseph or if you are on your own unexpected and unwanted journey to forgive someone, I would highly recommend Terri's book! There is also a Bible study on Joseph that would go along great with this historical fiction novel,Joseph: The Journey to Forgiveness by Melissa Spoelstra. Check it out!

When You Need a Second Story

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For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told. Habakkuk 1:5

I admit. I struggle with the direction my life is taking. There are days I feel like I have no place. Where do I fit? What am I supposed to be doing? Where is all this {the story of my life} going? I haven't a clue. Sure, I have roles...wife, mother, teacher, friend. Yet, there are times I am not sure how it all fits together.

Still I hope.

I hope that the heartache I have endured will bring forth a story of victory. I hope that the mundane tasks of life will one day make a difference. I hope that the place I have lost will be found. I hope that none of it is in vain.

None of it.

The cooking. The dishes. The lesson plans. The sacrifices. The breakings of my heart. The hurt. The loss. The abuse. The daily chores. The small moments. The pit of anxiety. The darkness of depression.

May none of it be for nothing.

A few weeks ago, I was working through the Bible study, Joseph : The Journey to Forgiveness, and came across this quote:

Though he {Joseph} live on the "bottom floor" of prison, somehow he trusted that there was a "second story"-an upper level where God was doing a work. Joseph couldn't understand it, but he chose to believe there was a greater plan.

A second story. Not just the story filled with chores, failed plans, relational angst, separation, and smallness. I need a second story...the story in which God works and brings all things together. I need the story of how He is transforming me through loss, working out the kinks in my heart, and bringing about a better ending to my story than I ever could. There is always a greater story because we have a great God. The daily chores are not just chores. They are character builders. The teaching of children is not just imparting knowledge to them. It is a forming of their hearts while they actually teach me. The raising of children is raising me up to be a better person. The losses only allow space for God to fill me.

So what about you? What is your story? Is it filled with angst? Heartache? The boredom of life? The never-ending tasks of work and family? Look up. Look up to the second story. He's up their writing the greater plan for you and those around you.

The One Reason You Need to Forgive

So what is your motivation to forgive? Why even do it? Why seemingly let someone off the hook for their grievous offense? Shouldn't they pay for what they did? The irony, though, is by not forgiving you become the one that pays. It all comes down to one word, one reason you need to forgive: BITTERNESS.

Bitterness happens whenever we don't deal with the hurt that has been handed to us. Jealousy, anger, and ongoing disappointment can lead to it. When we can't forgive and let go of what is happening around us and what happened to us we become bitter, and bitterness has an ugly fruit.

Actually, bitterness is a root. 

See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. Hebrews 12:15

And the fact that it is a root means that at the beginning it may be hard to detect. It silently grows underneath the surface in a person's heart. Left to grow it eventually produces fruit. So what does the fruit look like? What is the end result of not forgiving and ending up bitter?

Disorder and evil lurk.  But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven, but is earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:14-16

There is no peace. Their mouths are full of cursing and bitterness. Their feet are swift to shed blood; ruin and misery mark their ways, and the way of peace they do not know. Romans 3:14-17

It defiles those around you. See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.  Hebrews 12:15

Sin makes you its slave. For I see that you are full of bitterness and captive to sin. Acts 8:23

The cruel twist about unforgiveness is that when we are hurt and don't let it go we have the potential to become and act like the person that hurt us. We become a slave to sin and at odds with those around us. I have seen it happen in the lives of family members. The choice not to forgive leaves a person angry, and eventually that anger will spew onto others. You become no better than the one that perpetrated against you.

So how do you get rid of the bitterness? Here is another post I wrote on nine ways to rid yourself of bitterness. God knew that if we hung onto the hurt the hurt would hang us. To be able to forgive will save us from continuing pain.

To read more of 31 Days of Hope and Healing, click here. 

Dealing with Church Hurt

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"The problem with church is there are people in church." It is what I used to tell my youth that I taught. As Christians we believe that church should be a safe place. A place where you won't be condemned. A place where you won't feel rejection. A place where harmony abounds. In many ways though, total peace in church can't exist this side of heaven. We do ourselves a world of good to realize that when dealing with people {even church people} there is always potential of hurt because of our sinful natures. We, ourselves, can even hurt others.

If you have been through church hurt there is hope for healing. It takes time and hard work. Part of the hard work is learning to build your relationship with God. Click on over to His Mercy is New and you can read my story about how waiting on God can produce healing when you have been hurt by other Christians.

Also, check out this video from Anne Graham Lotz as she talks about being wounded by other Christians. She gives wise advice on how to deal with it. She has also written a book, Wounded by God's People: Discovering How God's Love Heals Our Hearts, which I HIGHLY recommend if you are dealing with church hurt. 

To read more about hope and healing, click here.

Forgiveness and Reconciliation

"Why can't they just forgive and go back to the way things were?" So many of us {myself included at times} have not understood what forgiveness is and how it works with reconciliation. Forgiveness and reconciliation are NOT the same thing, however, they are closely related. So what are the differences? As Christians, are we required to forgive and then reconcile?

There is one huge difference between the two: Forgiveness only requires one person. Reconciliation needs two coming together to work things out. Forgiveness is an inward practice of letting go of the hurt. It is giving up the right to seek revenge. It is handing the offender over to God so that He can deal with him/her. Forgiveness is commanded by God...

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13

Reconciliation takes two people willing to sit down and work through what has happened. Forgiveness is one of the steps in accomplishing reconciliation, but there is more to it. The two people in the broken relationship need to talk about what happened and the pain that occurred.  It takes rebuilding trust where it has been destroyed. Most importantly, because reconciliation takes two people it is not always possible. There are situations where reconciliation would be unwise. God doesn't require us to reconcile. It is His desire that we do, but peace is not always possible between two people. You are responsible for yourself, but that doesn't always mean the other person will cooperate with you. Think of these situations and why reconciliation might not happen or it would be foolish to consider it.

-There is abuse in the relationship, and the abuser is unrepentant.
-The offender is unrepentant and continues to commit the offense.
-It would not be safe {emotionally or physically} to start the relationship up again.
-Either the offender or the one offended refuse to sit down to talk it through. Or maybe both are unwilling.

God wants us to live in peace with others as much as possible, but there are times when the wounds are so deep that the level of intimacy doesn't go back to what it once was. Once a relationship is destroyed it takes a tremendous amount of effort to bring it back. That is why it is so important that we treat others with grace and loving care, not letting our anger get the best of us.

If you are healing from a broken relationship please realize that you will need to forgive. I say that with all tenderness because I know how hard the process is, but refusing to forgive will only hurt you in the long run. Also, don't beat yourself up if reconciliation isn't possible. Sometimes it is not. Do what you can to mend the relationship and then move forward. In an ideal world, reconciliation would always happen, but we don't live in that type of place right now. Sin creates separation, and at times, that separation can be a long road.

Are you struggling to forgive? Do you need to reconcile with someone? You can read more here at 31 Days of Hope and Healing.

Five Ways to Make Peace with Your Past

If you have visited my blog in the past few years and spent any time here, you know I have struggled with healing. I want to be whole. I have fought for it. I have prayed for it. Along the way, I have learned some valuable lessons. How do you make peace with your past when all you are are broken pieces? How to put yourself together when you can't hold it together? How do you heal and walk whole again? I am convinced I don't know all the answers. Healing is in a sense a mystery to me, but I have found some actions and attitudes that help...

Give God the broken pieces. Last year I wrote a post how to make peace with your past by giving God your broken pieces. At the beginning of healing that is about all you can do. Sometimes brokenness can be so severe you can't pull it together. You just need to hand it over to the One who knows you better than you know yourself.

Own your piece. I have to say that "owning your junk" is the hardest part of healing. As human beings we have an aversion to admitting that what we have done is less than perfect. Sometimes we justify it by rationalizing that we are only 10% or 30% at fault. Or sometimes our piece is so big {think 90%} we can't even begin to own it. The only way to be at peace though is to own your piece of the problem. Have you had a hard heart towards someone? Did you hurt them with your words or actions? Did you lie? Did you harbor jealousy? Whatever it is, own it! And owning it means that you confess it to the one you trespassed against. "Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed." {James 5:16} Apologize. Don't justify your actions. 

Let go of the pieces. Forgiveness is never easy, but it is the only way out. By letting go of another's hurtful actions we can be free. We can begin to heal. Send them to "Jesus Jail". Let God deal with their sin. He knows their hearts. He sees the big picture and knows what they need. Forgiveness is a process, but make it the goal no matter how long it takes. It goes against human nature to forgive, but it really is the only way of being released from the pain.

Accept the pieces given. For me, one of the most healing things I have done is to ACCEPT. Accept the pieces of my broken past. They are a part of my existence now. To fight to try to get rid of what has already happened only makes it worse. The more I wanted the past to change the worse the anguish. Not that it is easy to accept the pain. Once again it is a process, but accepting the pain for what it is makes the pain go away. I know...it makes no sense, but it works.

Be grateful that one day the pieces will make a beautiful picture. All those broken pieces will make a bigger picture some day. Isn't that what mosaics are all about? Take the shards to create a stunning work of art. Hold out for the art. Wait for God to make beauty from ashes. In the meantime, thank Him for how He is working in your life. List the good that you already see coming out of the heartache. Even if you can't see the big picture yet, rest in the fact that God is not finished with the masterpiece that is your life.

Join me this month for 31 Days of Hope and Healing.

The Healing Power of Forgiveness {A Bible Study}

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Ever felt like it is a struggle to forgive? Do you want to not be bitter, but how to accomplish it is a mystery? Forgiveness is not as simple as we think it is. The whole concept of "forgive and forget" makes the ordeal of forgiveness sound like the mere flip of a switch. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Forgiveness is a fight! A fight to heal, to let go of the pain that has taken hold, to show grace and kindness to those that deserve anything but.

This past July I decided to revisit two Bible studies I did a few years ago by Shawn Lantz. The first one was on jealousy {You can read more about it here.} and the second on forgiveness. I love Shawn's studies! They are in-depth, but practical, and it is the practical side of issues like jealousy and forgiveness that I think we all need more insight on. 

Her forgiveness study is an eight-week look at the family of Joseph and how bitterness and forgiveness played out in their lives. Shawn starts out by examining Joseph's family tree while you examine yours. What dysfunction lies within your family tree's branches? Is there bitterness? Destructive cycles of behavior? Then you plunge into Joseph's life to see how forgiveness played into the healing of his family. She not only covers what forgiveness is, but also the benefits of it and how it differs from reconciliation.

If you are struggling with brokenness in your relationships this study is a must-do! Encountering the Healing Power of Forgiveness  will help you understand what forgiveness is and how to come to the point of offering grace to those that have hurt you.