Living Loved {Uninvited by Lysa TerKeurst}

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"Rejection. It's a pattern in your life. You will have to fight it to overcome it", popped on my iPhone screen. I knew her text and her analysis of me was right. She wasn't condemning me. She wasn't saying I would be stuck there forever. She was stating the facts. It would mean I would have to fight. Fight to heal. Fight to be whole again. Fight to not be afraid of the one thing I was afraid of the most: People. Oh, how she was right!

There are days I go to the mailbox and can scarcely open its tiny, creaky door. I don't want to look inside, because I have found rejection and hurt hide in its metal walls. And then there are other days where electronic mail is hard to open even though it means just touching my finger to the screen. I simply can't do it. I cringe as if half expecting a monster to jump out at me. You see most of my rejection came in the form of written words delivered to my inbox and and to the little white tube with the squeaking door in my front yard.

I wasn't good enough. I didn't know how to make the right decisions. I was mean. I was not a good (fill in the blank). I was unforgiving. I had a bad "aura". I was unworthy to be around others....All these words written and more. No wonder I have a hate relationship with any device where mail is deposited. It's too much. Those boxes don't hold mail for me. They hold my shattered heart.

I have fought it long and hard. Can I say most days are good? I have a husband who loves me. A great relationship with each of my sons. Deep friendships. Family that has been with me through thick and thin. I am loved. Then there are the days I can't fight the obvious...there are places in my past where love couldn't be found. And though I searched for it and longed for it, the fact is it will not show up in my mailbox. This is where acceptance of myself is hard...when you know you are not worthy of love in someone's eyes.

Three years ago I decided I didn't need a mailbox to show me love, and my inbox was a pathetic way to feel secure. I needed to be looking for other letters. Ones written long ago, by Someone who truly knew me with all my flaws and said, "I will always love you." I bought myself a journaling Bible and began the search for the love that would not fail me. Who needs affirmation and adoration from mere mortals when you can have the Creator of the universe always there by your side? I would stick with the love letter He wrote me. My goal was to live loved regardless of how I had actually lived!

One day on Facebook, the title popped up. The words made my heart stop: uninvited, less than, lonely, left out...LIVING LOVED. I had to order this book! So last weekend, I went out to my sworn enemy, the mailbox, and found what I had been waiting for... Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely by Lysa Terkeurst. I spent this week reading in tears hiding them from those around me. Her book undid me.

I am sure you all are like me. In fact, I got a glimmer of it last week as I scanned Facebook, Instagram, and other social media. You have lived rejection. Women all over were popping up saying they so wanted to read it. They didn't have to say why. I knew. They had lived rejected, but desperately wanted to live loved. I could almost feel the ache through the screen.

You know it's bad when you begin reading and can't finish a sentence, because you are having to highlight it. Then you need to write some of them out to ward off the forgetfulness in your brain. These nuggets of truth are too valuable to lose. Lysa's book looks at all angles of the dreaded "R" word. Rejection is a spider's web entwined with the shame of who you are, the need for forgiveness for the one who rejected, the fear of history repeating itself, and the hope of measuring up...one day. Lysa deals with each facet with the heart of one rejected. Turns out she one of us.

I don't even know where to start to organize my thoughts on the PRACTICAL advice she gives to battle that left out feeling. There are questions to ask yourself, verses to help you change your perspective on what was done to you, and even the suggestion of praying Psalm 91 back to God as you heal from rejection. One of the mind-reforming thoughts is to realize that rejection has another level to it. It all depends on how you view what happened.  We may feel that we have been set aside by others when in reality we have be set apart by God to walk a different road from those who rejected us. Other times, rejection is actually a form of protection from something even more grievous.

If you are struggling with the fact that you don't fit in or have been kick out, Lysa's book will help you work towards healing those bleeding parts of your heart. Also, because it has been such a theme in my life you will find below several posts on the subject. If you are reading this, I am praying for you. I know the pain and ache for you. Read the posts below. Order the book...you know, sometimes good things arrive in mailboxes...

Surviving Rejection: What Grandma Taught Me
Dealing with Rejection
Seven Verses for Dealing with Rejection
Journaling to Remember His Love

Words are Powerful Round-Up

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This month for Think on These Things we are focusing on WORDS. Although they are just letters and sounds strung together they possess a power few of us understand. They can destroy a heart, but they can also build up a soul. Maybe you have struggled with words...either the ones that came out of your mouth or the ones that your ears received. I know that I have. Here are several blog posts and resources on dealing with words. {You can scroll down to the bottom for a list of Bible studies and books related to words.}

For me words have played a huge part in developing me into who I am today. Sometimes those words were painful as I navigated verbal abuse...others times words soothed the wounds I carried. In Words that Wound, Words that Heal , I ask the question, "How can we build each other up with our words instead of tearing each other apart?"

Over at His Mercy is New, Candace talks about the beauty of the fewness of words.

One of the best ways we can use our words is through prayer. I love the concept of "Praying the Scriptures"...basically you pray God's words back to Him. His Mercy is New has a plethora of resources you can use to learn how to pray His words.

If you have kids or work with them, you know that bad language can be a problem. Kids need to learn how to use their words wisely. Future Flying Saucers has an object lesson with free resources on teaching this important concept to kids.

A great reminder on choosing our words wisely from Purpose Living Wife. We are more at risk for saying something we will regret when we are hurt or angry.

Oh, how we are need this reminder...What are the three most powerful words you can ever speak?

One of the best things you can do? Memorize His words.

Sometimes we ALL need to practice a little silence. Wouldn't you agree?

Using words of affirmation in your marriage from Adventure Homeschool.

And finally, here are some Bible studies and books related to our words...

Unglued- I believe EVERY Woman should read this book! How to deal with your raw emotions so you don't verbally "vomit" on others.

Keep It Shut- A great book on controlling your tongue.

Stopping Words that Hurt- This book is so convicting! It discusses what our words do to others.

Conversation Peace- A woman's Bible study on words.

Think On These Things {May}

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He used them to create the world. We can build and destroy a person's life with them. They are medicine to the soul, and sometimes they are weapons. Words are powerful. Join me in May as we go through verses related to what words can do in our lives and the lives of others. It is an opportunity to "Think On These Things". These verses can be used to meditate on, journal about in a Bible (see below about what I use.), or write out in a separate journal. It is my prayer that you will be blessed as you focus on His Words.

Download the file here.

Instagram

During the month I try to post my thoughts on the verses on Instagram. If you would like to follow me you can find me here. Also, if you are posting your own thoughts there please use the hashtag #thinkonthesethings. I would love to read how God speaks to you!!

There are many ways you can use these verses. You can read and meditate on them. You can write them out as you meditate on them. You can read them and then write about them in a journal or journaling Bible. Here are some of the items I use...

A single column journaling Bible...

ESV Single Column Journaling Bible (TruTone, Chestnut, Leaves Design)
ESV Single Column Journaling Bible (Black)
ESV Single Column Journaling Bible (Brown, Flap with Strap)

Some highlighters {These are my absolute favorites!}...

Eco Highlighter Pencils - Set of 5 Colors

Black pens...

Black Ink Pen Set

If you are writing out these verses may I suggest these journals...

Studio Oh! Journals-There are several styles on Amazon if you search for them. I love them because they lay flat and make writing easier (especially since I am left-handed).

One Word to Change Your Year

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Sometimes a good thing is a small thing. No long list of to-do's. No grandiose plans. Just one small word. A group of letters strung together to change your year. It's what I have been doing for nine years now.

Where does this idea come from? Years ago, I read My One Word: Change Your Life With Just One Word. Basically, this book will describe what a "Word of the Year" is, how to pick one, and how to focus on it throughout the year. If you are interested in picking a word for the New Year, I would highly recommend this book. There are also two websites to help you pick a word...My One Word and One Word 365.

One of the hard parts of picking a word is coming up with ideas, so I decided I would list what I have done in the past and give you a few more ideas. Here is a rundown of what I have done each year:

2009 Patience

2010 Prayer

2011 Grace

2012 Abide

2013 Redeemed

2014 Count 

2015 Hope

2016  Fearless

2017 Rest

Here are some more ideas...

And a few more...

Pick a word and start your year knowing you only have to focus on one thing! It has been such a learning experience each year, and I have grown through the whole process of selecting one word and following it through.

If you would like to see my journey for two of those years, check out my Verses of Hope {2015 is my year of HOPE} and my posts on 2014's word, COUNT.

31 Days Around the Web

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Are you familiar with 31 Days? Every October bloggers from around the web take on the challenge to write on one topic for 31 days straight. I haven't participated every year, but this year I decided to write about a topic near and dear to my heart...emotional healing and surviving the grief of relational angst. Check out the link below to see what I will be writing about.

31 Days of Hope and Healing

There are several great topics this October that bloggers are writing about. Here is a look at some that have caught my eye.

31 Prayers for Our Homes (Candace will be doing a book study on Radical Hospitality. I read the book in September and LOVED it. Well-worth the read and will change how you see community.

31 days of Juicing for Health

Sara over at The Holy Mess will be writing about depression and anxiety.  As a sufferer of both I am looking forward to what she has to say! You can find her posts here at The Hope Toolbox. She is also offering a printable kit to go along with her 31 days series. It includes some Scripture cards, a gratitude list, a hope list and a few other goodies. Please see this link for more information about Sara's series and the printable kit.

31 Days to Annihilate Sugar - I need to be doing this!

31 Days to Deeper Bible Study

Braving the Broken

31 Days to Fearless

That's just a quick look at a few of the topics. You can go to Write 31 Days to see what else is being offered.

Word of the Year for 2015

Hope is what is needed...

When you lose your job

When you lose a friend

When you your health falls apart

When you are devastated

When a spouse walks out

When a child rebels {and that child is yours}

When you are grieving

When all of life turns on you...

Hope is the answer to keep going. These days I am in a season of hope. Waiting to see what God will do with the pieces that remain. I have gone through the hard grief. I have worked through a lot of the hurt. I have moved into a phase of healing. Now is the time to hope. A time to wait in expectation for what God will do in my life.

We all need hope whether you are currently experiencing a devastation or you are like me...in the recovery period. We all need a reason to hang on just a little longer. I know I do more than ever in my life. So this year I am focusing on hope. It will be my Word of the Year for 2015.

Are you hurting? In need of something to hang onto? Will you join me this year as I explore hope? I will be continuing what I started in 2014, Verses of Hope, in which I focus on a verse or two of God's Word that have the potential to give us hope.

Here are the verses that I have already written about, and you can always go to the top of the blog and click on the tab "Verses of Hope" to find them all. It is my prayer that they will help you through whatever you may be going through.

If you are going through the process of healing from a devastating hurt (or simply a hurt that won't let go), there are other resources here for you. Please check these out...

Healing the Wounded Heart

Hope and Healing {A Book List}

Five Ways to Heal

Five Ways to Deal with Anxiety and Depression

So join me as I journey towards hope...

I am linking up with 

Ditch the Resolutions {Word of the Year}

Tired of making New Year's resolutions that never get fulfilled? Here's another option...

In 2009, I chose Patience. Prayer became the focus in 2010. Grace in 2011 taught me some difficult lessons in forgiveness.  Abide in 2012.  In 2013, Redeemed became the word and the promise that God would take all the grief I was enduring and use it for my good. I decided this past year to Count...to explore what really matters/counts in life. In the second half of 2014, I began to experience a tremendous amount of healing from the events of 2013. I want to continue down that road...Stop by next week and I will share my Word of the Year for 2015 which relates to the healing I have been experiencing.

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 My One Word: Change Your Life With Just One Word  is a great resource to learn more about the concept of using a Word of the Year. One word to focus on for the year.  Forget New Year's Resolutions.  When have you ever fulfilled all of them?  And if you have, may I ask, can I meet you?  You must be awesome!  LOL!  A Word for the Year is simpler...helps us focus on how God wants to change our hearts instead of us trying to change our behavior.  Real change only comes with heart change, right?

My One Word: Change Your Life With Just One Word lays out how to pick a word, how to allow God to use that word to transform you, and how to allow the word to "morph" into something unexpected that God has in store for you.  My greatest transformations in the past few years have come not from a bunch of resolutions, but in focusing on just a word. There is also a DVD study that follows a lot of what the book has to offer.

So are you game? Ready to throw out that list of resolutions?  Just say the word...

The Power of Snakes and Written Words

They are just letters strung together, but some slither and strike. Words with power to kill a heart, a relationship, a soul.

I almost can't open them, because I have lived a lifetime of ugly written words. It doesn't matter the format or delivery method...the ones wrapped in envelopes, the ones that ping in your purse as the text comes in, or the ones patiently waiting on Facebook in a private message. They coil ready to strike...

You deserved the abuse.

I don't think you should be teaching my kids.

You're the problem.

God is going to hurt you because you won't do what I want.

You are not loved anymore.

I don't want your gift.

That was an awful decision on your part. What were you thinking?

I try hard to push them down, but stuffing them only makes them bite harder and the poison seep deeper. I can't overcome those words written on the paper or the screen. They killed a part of me, and I am not sure I can ever revive what was lost or can I?

Photo by Harlan Humphrey @ Wild Scenic Nature

My dad has killed a snake or two. Grandpa...grandma...they knew how to confront the scary rattling sound in the grass to avoid the strike. You don't live on the prairies of South Dakota and not know how to overcome a snake. "Always be well-dressed (boots that protect the legs you stand on) and always use something more powerful to kill it (a shovel is an efficient tool)."

How do you destroy those angry, written words? What is more powerful than the words that struck your soul? WORDS

They are just letters strung together, but they help and heal. Words have power to kill the words that killed you.

I was just telling my sister what a wonderful teacher you are.

Your words were exactly what I needed.

I love you.

You are stronger than you think you are.

I am so sorry.

I am here for you.

What you wrote encouraged me. Please don't stop.

or these words, the most powerful of them all...

Can a woman forget her nursing child and have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, but I will not forget you. Isaiah 49:15

Do not fear for I have redeemed you;

I have summoned you by name; you are mine. Isaiah 43:1

In all these things, we are more than conquerors through him how loved us. Romans 8:37

Or how about some loud words?!

He will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. Zephaniah 3:17

They are just letters strung together with all the power in the world.