Hold On and Let Go

Today is one of those days...I bawl my eyes out for the person I used to be. For the relationships I used to have. For that which I can never get back. I feel so broken. I question if I will ever be whole again. Will I always mistrust those around me? Will I ever fit in again? Will I always be the "odd woman out"? I can't imagine a life filled with community again.

Today is one of those days...I am tired of grieving it. I am weary of fighting the hurt. I am angry that anniversaries of the "event" bring me back to an ugly place. I don't want to live here. I don't want this fight. I want to give up.

Quietly, He whispers, "Hold On."

I can't see the big picture, because I am not the Artist. I have no idea where the beauty is supposed to go in the heap of brokenness that fills my life. Yet, He knows. He is the Architect of my broken shards. He knows how to put me back together when I can't see how any of the pieces fit. I just need to wait on Him to work. I need to hold on to the idea that He knows what He is doing when nothing makes sense. 

Quietly, He whispers, "Let Go."

I have held the pieces too long. The shards only create more pain in a broken heart. He asks me to let them go. Give them to Him so He can make them into something beautiful. Letting go is hard when it's your story. I want to be the author of my own drama, but I realize I don't really hold the pen and I don't write great endings. I realize I must let go of it all to let Him use it for His purposes.

Quietly, I whisper, "I will."

{If you have gone through trauma or drama and there is no solution in sight, then maybe it is time to hold on to the God who can make you whole and let go of the pain that is ripping you up inside. Here is a series on healing that may help. It is my prayer that He meets you where you are at and makes you whole again.}