Lessons Learned from Hurt

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

I am always taken by surprise how the ugly events of life can be the greatest teachers. It seems human beings learn best under duress. We normally think the best teachers are those that love and adore us, but God has been showing me that sometimes the best teachers are those that we disagree with, hurt us, and abuse us. They are the ones that give some of the best lessons. About a year ago I came to realize that I have learned a tremendous amount about life and how to live it through by those who inflicted pain. When the hurt entered my life God was not just allowing hard circumstances. He was setting up lessons for me to learn. Here are just a few I have learned along the way...

Anger is dangerous. Nothing can blow up a relationship quicker than lashing out in anger. It just isn't worth it in the big picture. Dealing with my anger over what someone has done before approaching them is the better way to go because once you explode something it takes forever to pick up the pieces.

Apologies save the broken. Knowing how to apologize well and rebuild trust is a skill that many don't have. Yet, it is one that everyone needs. An apology done right can save a relationship and heal a broken spirit. To read more on apologies, click here. It's better to have broken pride and apologize than to permanently break a person's heart.

We all have patterns. Going through hurt has made me more aware of the "red flags" in others. Typically, if someone does a certain behavior towards you it will be repeated. We need to be aware of those patterns and decide what we can deal with and what is a deal breaker for us before diving into a relationship. Also, realize that you, too, have patterns. Try to identify the negative ones and work on changing them.

There is no such thing as perfection. Relationships are messy. People are messy. You won't escape this side of heaven the dysfunction you see around you. Accepting the lack of perfection can bring peace. There is no perfect spouse. No perfect friend. No perfect family member. We all fall short (ourselves included). If we aren't perfect then we need to give grace to those around us who are less than perfect also.

Relationships are more important that being right. If you have to be right then you are going to be lonely. People are far more important than taking a stance and keeping your pride intact. Many of the broken relationships I have been a part of would have been saved if the relationship was chosen over pride and the need to be right. Pride can kill what matters most.

Have you gone through deep relational hurt? Have you struggled to get past the pain? Maybe one way to overcome it is to be thankful for what you have learned. While the lesson may not have been an easy one it may save you in the long run. So what has the hurt taught you?

There is hope and healing if you have dealt with major relational angst. Check out this book list for some great resources.


Marilyn Stover said...

So true Debbie - life gives us lots of lessons - our job is to learn from them. Thankful for a great teacher who walks with me daily - I just need to listen and trust.

Debbie P said...

Yes, Marilyn, listening and trusting what He is trying to teach us is what we need to do! :-) For me, the trusting part is especially hard.