He never did leave my side. Circumstances made it look like He wasn't there. But He didn't wander. He didn't fall asleep. He didn't forget one day to love me. It doesn't matter what turmoil may hit. Anger. Death of a dream. Death of a relationship. Brokenness. Life turned upside down. Disappointment. He was, is, and will be always there. There is no pain that touches my life that doesn't first trickle through His fingers. He will not allow anything to touch me that won't in the end refine me, shape me, make me into a reflection of Himself. So why do I doubt? Is it that the circumstances scream He doesn't care? Is it that the pain communicates I have lost His love?
Losing sight of the love that God has for us is fatal. When we can't see how He cares for us we fret, get angry, try to grasp for control. When we lose sight of His love we sin. Sin then leads to some sort of death. Sin is the false belief that He doesn't love us. We sin in our anger because we feel He won't set things aright. We sin in our doubt because we feel He isn't there to hold and guide our future. We sin in our relationships when we self-promote because we feel He isn't on our side. We sin in jealousy simply because we feel His love has vanished. We sin in our grumbling because we lack the gratitude to see how graciously He gives all things.
This month I am learning to rest in Him. He will take care of me regardless of what circumstances arise. When I realize how much He loves me why would I worry, fret, get angry, or be self-centered? He has me covered. I don't need to cover myself. And when life mistakenly calls out "He doesn't love you" I struggle to turn a deaf ear to the biggest lie known to man. The first lie.
Wasn't it in a garden that a woman first believed that God didn't have her best interests in sight? Wasn't it with a snake whispering in her ear that she first pondered watching out for herself instead of letting her God do His job? All sin comes from the belief that He doesn't love us. It is my prayer that I reject the lie and see His love.