Dying to Count

I'm talking about dying to ourselves while we're still alive. This "death by choice" frees us from our own small and fading stories, allowing our days to COUNT for something much larger and more enduring than we alone could ever be. --Indescribable: Encountering the Glory of God in the Beauty of the Universe {Louie Giglio}


My Word of the Year for 2014 is COUNT. What makes a life count?  If you become nothing do you still count? Last year God stripped me down to the bare bones. A life made small. Although painful, it has brought a boatload of blessing.  A sinking ship isn't always what it seems.  Sometimes you have to sink a little in order to be covered in His grace. So I have been pondering how to make my life count now that much of my influence and connections with others was broken.  Maybe it is a time to just focus on my family.  Maybe the stripping down has given me more time to write. To journal.  To blog.  More time to study God's Word. More time to focus on my Spanish students.  I am definitely looking at how to make my life count now that things are so different for me.

I am coming to the conclusion that we only count when we don't count. When we don't put ourselves into the equation. That in order for our lives to count we must die to self. Self is a pernicious beast.  We live life small when we get wrapped in self. We make "self" into "Self" and that is where we go wrong. We are small and the only way to break out of self is dying to it.

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.  Galatians 2:20

In order to live we must die.  In order for our lives to count for something, we must not count. How can I die to self?  To die a thousand deaths?  There must be a thousand ways. Being a servant to my kids. Putting the other person first. Giving. Not worrying {isn't that all about self?}. Keeping my mouth shut to stop an argument.  The ways to die to self are too many to count.

Sometimes death is a good thing...